After having a cat for 12 years, the concept of "being the alpha dog" is not something that comes naturally to me. As anyone with a cat knows, there is no such thing as "dominating" a cat or making the cat be "submissive" to your wishes. The cat does what the cat wants when the cat wants to...no ifs ands or buts.
So when I started reading about how to have a happy, balanced dog and learned that my husband and I needed to be the "alpha dogs," I started to question my assertion all these years that I am really a dog person who happens to have a cat.
Being the alpha comes naturally to my husband. He isn't a dominant or aggressive man, he is just very calm and even keeled. I, on the other hand, am not. If a glass of water gets knocked over, I scream while he calmly reaches out to catch it before it hits the table. If the dog knocks her butt into one of our standing vases of bamboo, I scream while he rolls his eyes and saves the plant. If he trips on a pair of shoes or a dog toy, he rights himself mid-air and lands gracefully. I scream and face plant.
The cat and I have been together for a long time, longer than my husband and I. And we had a pattern, a social order that was not based on dominance or seniority. It was based on pampering the cat. She slept with me in the bed, usually on my body some where. She woke me up in the middle of the night if she was hungry and the dish wasn't full. And I do mean full; she won't eat the last of her food for some reason. She told me what she wanted when she wanted it, and I obliged. She also did things for me. She would lie on my feet when it was cold out, rub her face against mine when I was sad, help me write by chasing my pen, make sure I didn't sleep through my alarm. We had a mutually beneficial relationship where neither was the alpha and neither was the omega.
Enter the dog. She is a rather large breed. She stands at my knees when on all fours and can look me in the eye when she stands on her hind legs. She knows that if she wants to, she can make me do something. And while I have tried all the "alpha" tricks - making her walk in to and out of the house after me, making sure I am above her physically as much as possible, not allowing her to take things out of my hands - she seems to have a few of her own. She likes to climb onto the back of the couch and put her head on top of mine. She likes to stand and sit on my feet. She likes to pick my clothes up off the floor, take them to another spot and lie on them (I think my husband taught her this as a way to punish me for leaving my clothes on the floor in the first place). She likes to pick the direction of our walks. You could say there is some confusion as to who is in charge when my husband isn't around.
Thankfully, the dog is a benevolent leader and all she wants is to play. Power for the sake of power is not really her thing. After all, she has no thumbs and needs me to let her outside, scoop out her food, throw the ball and clean out her water bowl. What kind of queen would she be limping around with her legs crossed because she can't go outside to go potty?
So if my husband is king, I guess he has three queens waiting to be pampered each day. Lucky him.
So when I started reading about how to have a happy, balanced dog and learned that my husband and I needed to be the "alpha dogs," I started to question my assertion all these years that I am really a dog person who happens to have a cat.
Being the alpha comes naturally to my husband. He isn't a dominant or aggressive man, he is just very calm and even keeled. I, on the other hand, am not. If a glass of water gets knocked over, I scream while he calmly reaches out to catch it before it hits the table. If the dog knocks her butt into one of our standing vases of bamboo, I scream while he rolls his eyes and saves the plant. If he trips on a pair of shoes or a dog toy, he rights himself mid-air and lands gracefully. I scream and face plant.
The cat and I have been together for a long time, longer than my husband and I. And we had a pattern, a social order that was not based on dominance or seniority. It was based on pampering the cat. She slept with me in the bed, usually on my body some where. She woke me up in the middle of the night if she was hungry and the dish wasn't full. And I do mean full; she won't eat the last of her food for some reason. She told me what she wanted when she wanted it, and I obliged. She also did things for me. She would lie on my feet when it was cold out, rub her face against mine when I was sad, help me write by chasing my pen, make sure I didn't sleep through my alarm. We had a mutually beneficial relationship where neither was the alpha and neither was the omega.
Enter the dog. She is a rather large breed. She stands at my knees when on all fours and can look me in the eye when she stands on her hind legs. She knows that if she wants to, she can make me do something. And while I have tried all the "alpha" tricks - making her walk in to and out of the house after me, making sure I am above her physically as much as possible, not allowing her to take things out of my hands - she seems to have a few of her own. She likes to climb onto the back of the couch and put her head on top of mine. She likes to stand and sit on my feet. She likes to pick my clothes up off the floor, take them to another spot and lie on them (I think my husband taught her this as a way to punish me for leaving my clothes on the floor in the first place). She likes to pick the direction of our walks. You could say there is some confusion as to who is in charge when my husband isn't around.
Thankfully, the dog is a benevolent leader and all she wants is to play. Power for the sake of power is not really her thing. After all, she has no thumbs and needs me to let her outside, scoop out her food, throw the ball and clean out her water bowl. What kind of queen would she be limping around with her legs crossed because she can't go outside to go potty?
So if my husband is king, I guess he has three queens waiting to be pampered each day. Lucky him.
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